


The Peace of Still Waters by babs

by babs



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Drama, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-23
Updated: 2011-04-23
Packaged: 2017-10-18 13:29:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/189368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babs/pseuds/babs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How can Jack heal Daniel's soul?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Peace of Still Waters by babs

"O'Neill, DanielJackson approaches." Teal'c pointed towards a figure in the distance walking slowly towards the waiting members of SG1.

Jack nodded, raising a hand to shield his eyes from the sun before bringing up his binoculars for a closer look.

"Sir?" Carter asked, keeping her voice low.

"Can't tell, Carter," Jack answered, still studying Daniel. Daniel's clothes were splattered with blood but he didn't appear to be injured. The memory of the slaughtered goats throughout the camp where Carter, Teal'c and he had been held while Daniel mediated the treaty probably was the source of the state of Daniel's clothing. He lowered the binoculars, looking at Carter and Teal'c. "Teal'c? Our friends still in the woods?"

"Indeed they are, O'Neill," Teal'c answered, his posture alert and ready for action, if needed.

"Then I guess we stay put until Daniel gets to us," Jack said. "And then we book it out of here, understood?"

"Understood, sir." Carter said, moving closer and looking through her own binoculars. Jack heard her intake of breath as she noticed the blood.

It took Daniel ten more minutes to reach their position on the hill. Daniel walked past them, appearing not to notice his teammates.

"Daniel?" Jack's internal alarms went off as he made a quick assessment of his condition. When Daniel didn't even flinch at Jack's calling his name and continued on the path, Jack motioned for the others to be on alert as they followed him.

"Daniel." Jack caught up to him, reaching out to touch his jacket. His hand came away sticky with blood. " Daniel, stop." Teal'c stepped in front of the oblivious archaeologist and Daniel bumped into him. Immediately, Jack reached out to steady him. "Daniel? You okay?"

"Sir, I think we should get him sitting down," Carter murmured. She was already pulling one of the first aid kits out of her pack.

"Teal'c?" Jack asked, even while guiding a compliant Daniel to sit on the rocky path leading to the Stargate.

"They are leaving, O'Neill. Heading back to their camps. I believe they will allow us to travel to the Stargate in peace," Teal'c announced.

"Let's get your hands cleaned up, Daniel." Carter spoke softly and Jack glanced down at the two. She was wiping Daniel's bloodied hands with an antiseptic wipe and Jack was relieved to notice Daniel wasn't wincing in pain. "Are you hurt anywhere?" When there was no answer, she shook her head, looking up at Jack. "Head injury?" she mouthed and Jack shrugged. Despite the amount of blood, Jack really didn't think Daniel was injured. He wondered if Daniel had been given some sort of drug or partaken of a celebratory drink when the negotiations were completed. Whatever Daniel had done had pleased both sides and Jack, Carter, and Teal'c had been escorted out of the camp they'd been held hostage in by jubilant warriors. They hadn't been able to understand the language but the feeling of joy and relief had been palpable. Jack watched as the last of the warriors left the shelter of the forest and began running back towards the villages.

"Here, Daniel. Drink." Jack turned his attention back to Daniel at Carter's command. She was holding her canteen up for him. Jack raised an eyebrow in question when Carter looked at him. He'd noticed the shaking hands, too.

"Are you hungry?" Jack squatted beside him, pulling out a power bar.

"Huh?" Daniel blinked slowly a few times and then gave a shudder. When he looked at them again, he seemed more like himself. Carter pulled at his jacket, spreading it open and starting to tug on his T-shirt. He placed a hand on hers. "Fine. I'm not hurt. It's not mine."

"It's a lot of blood," Jack motioned with one hand. He held out the power bar with the other, concerned when Daniel seemed to withdraw once more.

"Not mine," Daniel said again, softly. He hung his head and Jack placed a hand on his shoulder. He could feel the tremors running through Daniel's body, vibrations from muscles pulled taut. "Sleep. I didn't get to sleep," Daniel mumbled.

Jack let out a breath. Well, that certainly explained a lot. They'd been on this planet for over twenty four hours, which meant Daniel must be pretty well on the road to exhaustion. Exhaustion, and Jack thought as he took in the trembling hands, low blood sugar and possible dehydration. He opened the power bar and put it in Daniel's hand, guiding his hand to his mouth when Daniel made no effort to do anything about the food.

"Bite, chew," Jack ordered, waiting until Daniel did. He remained by Daniel's side, ready to remind his partner to keep eating, but once Daniel began the task, he continued as if by rote.

"Daniel, are you injured?" Carter asked and Jack almost laughed at her seeming disappointment when Daniel shook his head.

A few minutes later, power bar eaten, more water drunk, Jack hauled Daniel to his feet, giving a grateful glance to Teal'c when he stood beside Daniel's swaying body.

"Let's head home, gang," Jack said, stepping away to take point and allowing Teal'c to provide any needed support to Daniel. Medical exam, debrief, shower and then Jack got to take Daniel home and tuck him in bed. Wait, scratch that, Jack thought, maybe just tuck Daniel on the couch because he had the feeling he was going to be hauling a half asleep archaeologist into the house.

* * *

"Welcome home, SG1," Major Ferretti greeted them as they stepped through the wormhole.

"General Hammond?" Jack asked Lou, concerned when he didn't see the older man anywhere in the Gateroom.

"Diplomats from P2A-115," Ferretti explained. "Been holed up with them for the past two days."

"Lucky guy. Why do we go away and he has all the fun?" Jack kept his tone light in deference to Daniel, who was beginning to sway on his feet. "Let's go visit our favorite doctor, kiddos." Jack bent his knees as Daniel began leaning against him, a dead weight. He straightened when Teal'c came to the rescue and began guiding Daniel towards the doors and the infirmary.

"It's not his, Lou." Jack wiped his hand on his BDU's when Lou turned to question him. "We walked into a dispute between two tribes and Daniel decided to play peacemaker."

"And? That was a lot of blood, Colonel." Ferretti began walking alongside Jack and Carter.

"They celebrated the new peace treaty by slaughtering goats. Lots and lots of goats." Jack rubbed at his forehead, beginning to feel the adrenaline that accompanied him on most missions starting to dissipate.

"Post mission medical and written reports to be completed before you leave the base," Ferretti said. He gave Jack a devilish grin. "General Hammond said to remind you about the report. You know, in case you forgot or something."

"Got it." Jack gave him a wave, too intent on getting to Daniel to think of a comeback line and headed into the elevator with a silent Carter.

Daniel wasn't anywhere in sight but Teal'c was--standing outside one of the showers used for patients in the infirmary.

"He okay?" Jack thrust his chin in the direction of the door.

"DanielJackson said that he is uninjured," Teal'c replied. "I have no reason to doubt his word."

And sure enough, Daniel shuffled out of the shower a few minutes later, his hair sticking up in all directions, his skin reddened from the hot water, but appearing unharmed just as he'd told them on the planet. Dressed in a pair of scrubs, Daniel made his way to one of the gurneys, shaking off Jack's hand when he offered assistance. That brief anger was the only emotion Daniel exhibited. Jack hated that they were going to be stuck on base writing their reports before he could make sure Daniel got some much needed rest, and knowing Daniel's predilection for detail, it would be hours until they managed to leave.

"So, gang..." Jack hopped up on the gurney next to Daniel. "Reports to be done, then we get to go home." He pulled the blanket from the end of the gurney and wrapped it around Daniel's shoulders, concerned that Daniel still seemed so out of it. "Want to tell us how you did it, Daniel?" Jack kept his tone light, joking, despite wanting to wrap Daniel in his arms rather than the blanket. His partner looked totally beat and Jack was concerned at the dark circles he could see under the stronger light of the infirmary.

"I didn't do anything," Daniel said, his voice flat. "I was just a go-between, someone neutral who could take the..." he accepted the cup of water Carter handed him. "Just a neutral party. That's all. I couldn't..." He sipped at the water and Jack patted his shoulder.

They were in and out of the infirmary in less than a half hour. SG-7 had come back from their mission with some sort of poisoning from native foods and were, quite frankly, the higher priority. But much to Jack's relief, the exam had revealed that none of the blood had been Daniel's--the archaeologist didn't have as much as a scratch or a bruise.

Waiting for the elevator once more, Jack met Teal'c's gaze over Daniel's bowed head. The words were unspoken, but there was no need for them. Teal'c would keep watch over their teammate until the reports were finished. The elevator dinged and SG1 stepped into it, still silent, the quiet almost oppressive.

"Sir," Carter began after Teal'c and Daniel had stepped off at the first stop. "I think something..."

"I know." Jack held the door open as they reached the level of Carter's lab. "But he's not talking yet." He let out a sigh as the doors swished shut behind her. Jack pinched his nose, a headache blossoming there while his gut churned. He managed to convince himself Daniel was merely exhausted, that it was nothing more than that. They were all tired, seeing problems where there were really none. At least his report wouldn't take long to write. Carter, Teal'c and he had done nothing more than sit in a tent and wait while Daniel did his thing and the treaty was negotiated. Typical SG1 luck to gate into the middle of a tribal war. Typical of one Daniel Jackson to wind up in the thick of things. Jack sighed as he got off the elevator and went towards his office. Only a few more hours, then he and Daniel would get home and life would go back to normal. Well, as normal as it could be when you worked for the SGC.

* * *

"Hey, Danny," Jack nudged his sleeping partner after he pulled into the driveway. "Time to wake up."

"Huh?" Daniel mumbled. Jack shook his head as Daniel tilted over to one side, his head hitting the window with a soft thump.

"Daniel," Jack said again, opening his door and letting the cool air flood the cab of the Avalanche. Daniel straightened abruptly, his breath coming out in a little gasp as if he'd finally woken up.

"Are we home?" Daniel squinted in the twilight. "We're home," he answered his own question, undoing his seat belt.

Jack went around to the passenger side, ready to grab Daniel's arm in case he wasn't quite as awake as he seemed. But the cool air seemed to have done the trick and Daniel followed Jack into the house on steady feet, a few yawns followed by a deep breath, and then the beginning of a lecture on some pictures the unfortunate SG7 had taken on their mission before being felled by the poisonous fruit.

"And," Daniel finished, nearly bumping into Jack when they entered the kitchen, "you can see that when we finish translating all those inscriptions on the temple walls, we'll be able to figure out just how the Ollorians defeated the Goa'uld. I mean, I know it's part of their folklore. Did I tell you that before Trexler got sick, she managed to record six hours of their village elders chanting their history? But folklore usually has some basis in truth and the Goa'uld haven't visited their planet for centuries. You see where I'm going with this, Jack?"

Jack turned and leaned against the counter, drinking the orange juice he'd pulled from the refrigerator straight from the carton. "Actually, no, I don't. And just how many cups of coffee did you drink when you were working on your report?"

Daniel's reply was muffled since his head was currently stuck in the refrigerator, but he emerged holding a carton of milk. Sniffing it and making a face, Daniel dumped the milk down the drain, running cold water to wash away the smell, deposited the carton in the trashcan and then held out his hand for the orange juice.

"How many?" Jack asked, wondering just how long Daniel was going to be awake.

"I told you. None." Daniel gave a sigh of disgust. "You know, I really didn't need Teal'c to babysit me." He took a long drink of orange juice, closing his eyes.

"You gotta admit you were a little out of it back on the planet, and when we first got back." Jack took the carton from Daniel, shaking it, but not surprised to find it empty. "Come on. Let's get ready for bed. I think you've moved beyond tired." When Daniel stared at him, Jack continued. "You're worse than Charlie used to be." Heading for the trashcan to throw away the orange juice carton, Jack thought Daniel had stiffened at the mention of Charlie, but it could have been a trick of Jack's eyes. The headache Jack had wasn't going to go away until he got some sleep. He rubbed at his forehead again and felt Daniel take his hand. He looked down as two aspirin were shook into it and a glass of water pressed into his other hand.

"Cheers," Jack said as he popped the pills into his mouth. Daniel gave him a ghost of a smile and led the way to the bedroom.

By the time Jack finished with his shower, Daniel was sprawled across the bed, his arms and legs spread out as if he were a starfish, and his breath coming in little puffs. The pounding of his head had begun to decrease, the aspirin and the hot shower soothing tight muscles. The stress of the mission, the not knowing if Daniel was safe, disappeared. Jack slid under the covers, pushing Daniel gently towards his own side of the bed. He froze as Daniel mumbled and then turned to his side, and traced the little lines at the corners of Daniel's eyes.

"You're safe," Daniel whispered. "And Sam and Teal'c."

"Yeah, and you, too," Jack whispered back. He moved his hand up onto Daniel's scalp, massaging it and giving a sleepy grin at Daniel's soft murmurs of pleasure. It wasn't long until Jack couldn't continue the massage. His hand fell away and he joined his partner in sleep.

* * *

Jack finished putting the last of the groceries in the fridge and cabinets. He frowned when he realized that there was no sign Daniel had been in the kitchen. They'd been home nearly fourteen hours and Jack had been awake for eight of them. He'd recognized that Daniel was tired, hell, exhausted, but he had to admit he was feeling a little worried that Daniel still hadn't gotten out of bed, especially considering Jack had started the coffee maker before he'd gone to the grocery store. Walking into the living room, Jack released his breath when he heard the shower running. Shower, coffee--Daniel's usual routine upon awakening. Now if only the shower could be rigged to spout out coffee instead of water, Daniel would have it made. Jack grinned at the thought.

He settled down on his most comfortable chair and began flipping through the mail accumulated during his time off-world, throwing most of it into the waste basket. A few bills and a reminder card about a subscription about to expire caught his attention. Jack got up to take them to the desk, stopping when he realized there were no sounds of Daniel moving around in the bedroom. He knew Daniel's routines as well as his own, and years of living in desert climates and on dig sites meant Daniel was a great conservationist when it came to water. It was rare for Daniel to be in the shower much longer than ten minutes unless he and Jack decided to shower together.

"Daniel?" Jack called up the stairs. When there was no answer except for the continuing sound of running water, he tossed the bills in his hand on the desk and took the steps two at a time. Blankets in disarray on the bed, sweatpants and T shirt strewn on the floor and the warm, humid air seeping out from under the bathroom door confirmed Daniel's presence. Jack knocked on the door. "Daniel? You okay in there?"

Visions of calamity dancing through his head, Jack opened the door when there was no acknowledgement to his call. He felt like an idiot when he discovered that Daniel was not, despite his dire prediction, lying unconscious on the floor. Hearing the low murmuring coming from behind the shower curtain, Jack let out a sigh. Knowing his lover's propensity to work out translations in odd places, he thought Daniel had probably lost track of time as he puzzled through the information SG7 had brought back from their mission.

"Daniel, come on. Stop running up the water bill," Jack joked. He waited a bit, his alarm growing. Okay, this was going too far. "I'm opening the shower curtain," he warned as he placed his hand on the edge of it. Still waiting, still hoping that Daniel would respond, Jack waited a few seconds longer before slowly sliding back the curtain.

"Oh God," Jack whispered at the sight before him. "Danny?" Jack reached out and turned off the water.

"Clean. Get it off," Daniel mumbled over and over as he scrubbed at his reddened skin. "Get it off."

A lump formed in Jack's throat--the knowledge that some kind of shit happened on that hunk of rock they'd just returned from was a known certainty now. The fear that the blood wasn't from goats became stronger. Jack mentally cursed himself even as he reached out to Daniel, intercepting his hand.

"No, no, Daniel. It's all gone. You're clean." He kept his voice low, unsure of how far gone Daniel was. "Come on. Let's get you out of there and dried off." Jack ran his hand up Daniel's arm, guiding his partner out of the tub and pulling a towel off the rack.

"Sit," Jack commanded when Daniel made no effort to move. Good, Jack thought, as his lover obeyed. Keep things simple, dry him, dress him warmly to stop those shivers running up and down his body, get something inside him to counteract the shock. Jack ran appraising eyes over Daniel's body as he attended to the task of drying him off, searching for injury and finding none.

"Jack?" Daniel asked when he was wrapped in his bathrobe. "You're here?"

"I'm here," Jack said. He pulled Daniel to his feet and steadying him from behind, steered him out to the bedroom. "You want to tell me what was going on in there?"

"Huh?" Daniel looked at him, a small frown wrinkling his forehead. "I was taking a shower."

Jack handed him a pair of sweatpants and dug out a sweatshirt from under the pile of clothes on the chest at the foot of the bed. Daniel seemed to be working on automatic pilot, moving slowly, but at least moving. Jack placed a hand on Daniel's cheek. Daniel stopped fumbling with the tie on the sweatpants and looked up at him.

"You feeling okay?" Jack asked.

"Little shaky," Daniel admitted. He sighed. "Sorry. I guess I'm still tired."

Jack patted his cheek and then smiled. He could play the waiting game for now. "How about we go downstairs and get something to eat?"

"Yeah." Daniel let out his breath and stood, swaying slightly. Jack held his hands out, dropping them to his side when Daniel regained his balance. The mood was too fragile for Jack to push for answers. Give him a little more time, he reminded himself as he followed Daniel from the bedroom. After making sure Daniel was safely on the sofa, Jack headed back to the kitchen. He pulled down the cocoa powder and grabbed the milk from the fridge. Daniel might want coffee but he needed the calories hot chocolate would provide. Jack rummaged in the breadbox, finding the bagels he'd bought that morning, slicing one and sticking it in the toaster. He had the feeling he was about to walk across a minefield when he went back in the living room, and wished it wasn't so early in the day that drinking a beer would seem obscene.

Jack braced his hands on the counter, waiting for the milk to heat, letting the mundane activity help him focus. He should have asked to see Daniel's report before leaving the mountain, should have insisted Daniel tell him just what the hell went on while he, Carter and Teal'c sat in a chieftain's tent far removed from the conflict. Hell, he should have never agreed to allowing Daniel to be the mediator for the two opposing tribes. He stirred the milk a few times, adding the cocoa powder with a slow and deliberate steadiness. Daniel had explained it all, of course, in that rational, yet passionate way he had when people's lives were at stake.

* * *

"I need to do this, Jack." Daniel's gaze never wavered from Jack's. "The Tyrressa have a belief that only an outsider can act as a mediator, as a go-between for the two tribes. It's part of their history, the way things have been done for centuries."

"Why you? You mean to tell me that if we hadn't come along through the Gate, they'd keep up this conflict...?" When Daniel frowned, Jack corrected himself, "this war, until someone else came along? Until someone else dials this planet, or until some stranger comes over those mountains?"

"That's exactly what I mean," Daniel said. "There are people dying here, Jack. I'm not willing to stand by and watch them kill more."

"I'm not willing to have my team separated. We don't know these people, Daniel."

"No, we don't." Daniel crossed his arms over his chest. "But they don't know us, either. I'd say we're even on that score."

"You trust them?" Jack asked, studying Daniel's face.

"Yes. Yes I do. And they trust me." Daniel's voice was strong. "This might not seem like the sensible thing to do, Jack. But it's the right thing."

"Yeah, I know," Jack sighed. He nodded and watched Daniel walk off with the two young warriors from the opposing sides, realizing it might be the last time he saw Daniel alive. He wondered if doing the right thing would matter if Daniel died, and in his heart knew that yes, for Daniel, for all of them, it would.

* * *

Jack sighed as he finished preparing the hot chocolate and the bagel. He put the bagel on a plate and grabbed the mug with his other hand.

"Hey, Daniel," Jack's voice trailed off as he caught sight of his lover, his partner, his best friend, standing by the fireplace, holding a picture of Charlie in his hands, long fingers gently stroking his son's smile. Jack put the food on the coffee table and moved to Daniel's side. "Daniel?"

"Was there a lot of blood?" Daniel asked, sounding as if he were far away, caught in a dream world.

Jack felt his stomach clench, memories assaulting him, memories he would never be able to exorcise. He wanted to scream, 'well hell, yeah, Daniel. What do you think it looks like when someone shoots himself'? But one look at Daniel's face made him realize it wasn't really about Charlie at all; that it was about dying, and about something horrible that had happened when Daniel insisted Jack allow him to be a peacemaker. So instead of yelling, Jack covered Daniel's hand with his. The picture was released into Jack's grasp and Jack smiled for the years he had, the years he'd been so blessed to be a part of. Daniel was watching him, looking lost, oh so very young and very old and worn at the same time.

"Yeah," Jack said, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. "Yeah, there was a lot of blood." He forced himself to keep his eyes open, knowing that if he closed them, he'd be able to remember images better left forgotten.

"I didn't know there was so much blood," Daniel whispered, staring at the flames in the fireplace. "Didn't know there could be so much blood in someone so little."

"Danny," Jack put the photo back on the mantle when he saw Daniel's face go pale. He grabbed Daniel's shoulders, supporting him as he swayed. "Hey buddy." Jack kept speaking, moving them to the couch, letting out an oomph when Daniel's knees buckled before they made it.

He managed to hoist Daniel onto the sofa, lifting his partner's legs and putting a pillow under them. Daniel was pale and Jack rested a hand on his cheek, finding the skin slightly cooler than usual, but not enough to be alarmingly so.

"Here," Jack slid onto the couch, propping Daniel against his side and holding the mug when Daniel's hands shook. "Slow sips. Take it easy."

"Huh," Daniel grunted, and took a few sips of the hot chocolate before nodding to Jack. Jack handed him the mug and watched as Daniel drank it all.

"Sorry," Daniel said, staring into the mug as if it held the secrets of the universe.

"You okay?" Jack took the mug out of Daniel's unresponsive fingers. "I think maybe I should call Janet," he ventured.

"No." Daniel shook his head and leaned back, closing his eyes. "No, I'm fine."

"Yeah, fine. Then you mind telling me what the whole little flashback thing we had going here was about?" Jack put the mug on the table and moved his hands to Daniel's shoulders, massaging them.

"Still tired, Jack." Daniel sighed, and Jack could hear the crackling as Daniel moved his head from side to side. "Be fine. Just need to get a little more sleep..." the words trailed off into a snore.

Jack sat quietly, waiting until Daniel's breathing deepened and his body relaxed. He eased out from behind him, lowering his partner to the sofa cushions and covering him with the afghan. He grabbed the phone from the coffee table and took it, along with the mug, into the kitchen.

Sighing, Jack stared at the buttons, torn between honoring Daniel's wishes and his own need to make sure Daniel was medically okay. The sound of someone pulling into the driveway caught his attention, and he went out onto the deck, seeing General Hammond getting out of his car.

"General Hammond, sir," Jack called, running down the few steps to meet his CO, slowing when he saw the concerned look the older man was wearing.

"Is Doctor Jackson here, Colonel?" Hammond asked, looking around.

"He's asleep on the sofa." Jack motioned for the General to precede him up the stairs. "He didn't get much sleep on the mission."

"Jack," Hammond stopped at the glass doors leading from the deck, "have you read Daniel's mission report?"

"He was dead on his feet, sir. Teal'c called me down to his office when Daniel nearly fell over."

Holding up a hand, Hammond interrupted. "I didn't think so. There's something you need to know."

Jack swallowed, hard. "You want to tell me out here, sir?" Even though he knew Daniel wasn't going to hear their conversation, he automatically lowered his voice.

"Here." General Hammond handed him a folder and lowered himself to one of the deck chairs. "I think you need to read this."

Settling on the picnic table bench, Jack opened the folder and noticed the date and time. "His mission report, sir?"

"Read." The word was said with a sigh, but Jack recognized it for the order it was.

Daniel's mission reports were precise, rarely going off into the tangents he was so fond of when speaking. Daniel's mind might race in a few thousand different directions when working out a problem, but when he figured things out, he wrote mission reports that were concise and detailed. So Jack wasn't surprised to find a detailed account of their arrival on the planet along with descriptions of the clothing and language of the natives.

Skimming over information he'd included in his own report, Jack turned to the second page and realized the information included here discussed Daniel's intervention as the mediator. According to Daniel's report, he'd been treated well--the mediator was evidently a revered person in the Tyrressan culture. Most of Daniel's time had been spent trekking between the two tents of the opposing chieftains, carrying messages from one to the other and waiting while another message was composed for a reply. Despite what Jack knew must have been a tedious duty, Daniel's observations were succinct, giving him glimpses into a culture he and the others hadn't experienced in their tent far removed from the action. And then he saw it, the words that explained the blood, the words that explained finding Daniel in the shower, the words that explained Daniel's lost look while he'd held Charlie's picture.

Jack had to breathe through his mouth, forcing down the bile that rose as he read Daniel's description of the children's deaths. He scanned the account and then when he reached the end of the report, he went back and reread it again as if his brain couldn't comprehend what he'd just read. Closing the folder, Jack put his head in his hands.

"How is he, Jack?" Hammond asked.

"We thought the blood was from the goats they'd sacrificed in celebration," Jack said, wanting to explain, wanting a way to make it disappear. "This...God!" He shook his head, unable to speak.

"Keep an eye on him, son. I've already spoken to Doctor Fraiser. She suggested setting up an appointment with Doctor Mackenzie." Hammond sounded almost apologetic.

"This is Daniel, sir." Jack managed to meet Hammond's eyes. "Do you really think talking to a shrink is going to help?"

"I think," Hammond said, pulling the folder back across the table, "that you know what Doctor Jackson needs. I trust that you will follow Doctor Fraiser's orders if you deem them necessary."

Jack pushed himself to his feet as the General stood, nodding at Hammond's next words. "I don't want to lose Daniel again, Jack."

"Yes, sir." Jack straightened. "Neither do I." He followed Hammond back to his car, opening the door for his CO. He waited until the General was seated and his seat belt pulled across his shoulder before leaning in to speak to him once more. "Sir? George," he corrected, meeting understanding blue eyes, "thank you. I'm not going to let him go."

He waited, watching Hammond back out of the driveway and make his way down the street, probably going to his daughter's house to visit his granddaughters and remind himself there was good in the universe. Jack rubbed his arms, wondering when it had gotten so chilly. The air had felt warm before he'd read Daniel's report. Feeling every one of his forty plus years, Jack turned and walked up the steps, dreading what he needed to do and yet knowing he had no choice. Lancing a festering wound was painful, but necessary for healing to begin.

Daniel was in the kitchen, watching the coffee pot as it dripped. Jack took in the rigid posture, the signs of a man trying to hold himself together while tearing his insides to bits.

"Daniel?" Jack approached him casually, leaning against the counter next to him.

"Jack," Daniel acknowledged. He didn't take his eyes off the coffee maker, grabbing it as soon as there was enough in the pot to fill a cup. Pouring himself a large mug, he wrapped his hands around it and took a sip before looking at Jack. "Was someone here? I heard a car when I came in the kitchen."

"General Hammond," Jack said. He saw a shudder go through Daniel's frame before continuing. "He wanted me to look at something."

"Something," Daniel echoed, placing the mug on the counter.

Jack could see Daniel's breathing quicken, almost make out the faster pulse at Daniel's neck.

"Something important?" Daniel asked, his attempt at casual nowhere near reality.

"Yeah, Daniel. Something important." Jack took a deep breath and then plunged in, reminding himself of the time his friends dared him to jump off the high dive and he did, even though he didn't really know how to swim. He felt the same rush of fear now as he had as an eight year old--knowing he was headed for trouble, but unable to stop the momentum. "He brought your mission report."

"Oh," Daniel said, a small sound in the near silence of the kitchen, barely heard above the humming of the refrigerator.

Anger overtook Jack then, a bubbling feeling he hadn't even realized existed until he remembered the sight of Daniel covered in blood, walking right past them on that dirt path, focused only on putting one foot in front of the other. "Damn it, Daniel. Why didn't you tell us? Why didn't you tell me? Were you planning on keeping it a secret?"

"A secret?" Daniel looked at him, disbelief crossing his features. "I put it in my report, Jack. What more do you want?"

"I thought you trusted me," Jack said.

"Trust? It has nothing to do with trust. It was their culture, Jack. Just part of tradition." Daniel's voice rose. "The ultimate act of sacrifice and trust for them. The warring chieftains each sacrificing his youngest child for the other side. What was I supposed to do? I couldn't stop..." Daniel took a deep breath before wrapping his hand around the mug and throwing it, the pottery shattering and coffee splattering on the wall, dripping to the floor like blood. "I couldn't stop it." His eyes, when he finally brought his head up to meet Jack's gaze, were bleak. "I couldn't stop it," he repeated. "I tried, dear God, I tried, but I...it happened so fast. I tried, Jack."

Jack's imagination and Daniel's report provided a vivid picture in Jack's mind. He could hear Daniel yelling at the brutal act, see Daniel lunging toward the child, trying desperately to save him. "I know you did."

Daniel rubbed at his forehead. "I can see the blood, Jack. It's still on my hands. They...do you know they..." He turned, banging his fist onto the refrigerator. "I need to get out of here. Get away. Forget. Just for awhile, I need to forget."

Jack knew running wouldn't erase the images from Daniel's head. But he didn't know how to tell him, and besides he suspected Daniel already knew it. But at least if they went somewhere else, perhaps this house wouldn't hold terrible memories every time they returned from a mission and would remain their haven from the horrors they sometimes experienced.

"I need to take a shower," Daniel murmured, and even though he wanted to tell him the water wouldn't cleanse Daniel's soul, Jack remained silent. He nodded and let his partner leave the kitchen, walking over to the shattered coffee mug and bending to pick up the pieces. He was going to get out the camping gear, he decided as he wiped down the wall a few moments later. Get Daniel away from people, hoping that the wilderness could begin to heal his partner's feelings of guilt and helplessness. Jack froze as he heard the shower start, staring at the floor for a few moments more before heading out to the garage and beginning to throw sleeping bags and other camping paraphernalia into the Avalanche.

* * *

"We have to go back tomorrow, don't we?" Daniel said as he ran his spoon around the bowl, licking the last bits of the chicken stew Jack had prepared.

"Yeah." Jack held out his hand for the bowl and the spoon, dipping it in the warm water he'd heated over the camp stove. They cleaned up in a comfortable silence. Jack glanced at Daniel, who was busy storing their cooking gear in the bear proof containers. The stiff way Daniel held his body the first few days in camp was gone, and last night, they'd slept the night through with no nightmares on Daniel's part. By some unspoken agreement, they'd never discussed the mission, spending their days hiking in the national park and then returning to camp for the night. Daniel was working things out in his head, Jack was sure. A sigh from Daniel's direction caught Jack's attention.

"Want to walk to the lake?" Jack asked.

Daniel looked at him and grabbed one of the lanterns in answer. "Sounds good."

They walked the short trail in a few minutes, their hiking boots crunching on the gravel path. The sun was setting but it was summer, promising them a lingering twilight. The sounds of other campers making their suppers and starting their evening campfires mingled with the smell of wood-smoke. They passed an older couple smiling at them and returning their friendly greeting with one of their own.

The lake reflected the colors of the setting sun, burnt orange, rose and deep red. Daniel turned right, beginning to follow the trail that wound around the water's edge and Jack followed. With a few more hours of light, they had plenty of time for a leisurely stroll. The mountains rose up nearby, not seeming threatening by their immensity but rather protective, and Jack enjoyed the quiet walk, breathing in the cooling air, listening to the sounds as nature settled down from a summer's day.

"Night doesn't fall, it rises up from the valleys," Daniel said. Jack raised an eyebrow and stopped on the path, staring out at the water. Daniel moved closer and put his arm over Jack's shoulder when his lover stepped to his side.

"Who said that?" Jack murmured.

Daniel shrugged. "I don't know. But it's true." He pointed to the mountains, the shadows darkening on the lower slopes while the tops were burnished with golden sunlight.

"I've always loved water," Jack said, watching the lake and noticing how some of the water was almost the color of blood.

"Why not the Navy then?" Daniel asked. He stepped away from Jack, lowering himself to one of the boulders near the water's edge and motioning for Jack to follow.

"Still water," Jack explained. "Lakes, ponds, peaceful water."

"Peaceful." Daniel threw a pebble into the lake, ripples growing from the disturbance. "Never for long. There's always some sort of violence--wind, rain, fish jumping, some person throwing rocks in it. Something always disturbs the peace."

"Daniel."

"They were only little kids, Jack. I thought I understood and when the time came and Ressin pulled his knife, I thought he was going to slaughter the goat standing nearby. He slit his son's throat before I could even yell. I started to run towards Wollec's tent but I heard the cry from the warriors, the cry of victory. I couldn't save either of them." The words were spoken in an almost whisper, rushed as if Daniel wouldn't ever be able to speak of it again.

"You couldn't have known," Jack said, trite words, but true.

"If I hadn't agreed..." Daniel kept his gaze straight ahead.

"Then more would have died in their conflict. More children, Daniel."

"Do you think I don't know that, Jack? I keep telling myself that, but it doesn't change the fact that two innocent children died." Daniel stared at his hands. "Do you know where that blood came from?" When Jack said nothing, he continued. "I carried Ressin's dead child to Wollec and Wollec's to Ressin. Just so they could see they had both honored..." He stopped, his voice hard when he spoke again. "Honor. There was no honor in it."

Images of Daniel carrying the bodies of two dead children made Jack swallow hard. That little bit of information hadn't been in Daniel's report. Jack didn't know that it had to be. "No, Daniel. You're wrong."

"Wrong?" Daniel looked at him, finally, and Jack could see a trace of wetness on his cheeks.

"About honor. You didn't refuse to do what was needed no matter the cost to yourself. Their sacrifice was not in vain." Jack shifted on the boulder, his eye catching a shadow overhead. He placed a hand on Daniel's shoulder and brought his other fingers to his lips.

A wild duck flew low and landed in the water in front of them, the movement causing small waves to break on the pebbles near their feet. A moment later, the duck's mate landed beside her partner, ripples spreading from them and disappearing into the far reaches of the water.

Jack squeezed Daniel's shoulder, feeling the slight movement of muscles under his hand as his lover silently wept for the two lost children.

A poem Jack read a few years before came to mind and he began to recite it softly, feeling Daniel's muscles loosen, hearing the soft sound of flesh meeting flesh as Daniel wiped his eyes.

"When despair for the world grows in me and I wake in the night at the least sound, in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be, I go and lie down where the wood drake rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds. I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought or grief. I come into the presence of still water. And I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting with their light. For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free."

"Jack," Daniel whispered, his voice hoarse.

"Still water, Daniel. Look." Jack pointed. The ducks were far from them now, smudges in the middle of the lake. The ripples were barely noticeable, the water returning to its quiescent state. "Rest, Daniel. Rest and be free." He leaned closer, placing a kiss on the Daniel's nape, prepared to wait until Daniel's soul was free and still once more.


End file.
